Mechanicat (mechani_cat) wrote,

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Freaking out

spent last week making and putting on fantastic show with Sally Kamelyan and lots of other beautiful people we were plagued with problems I had flu, the cello player had a broken arm the cello had a kidney infection, and the harp player bloke her toe on stage (she pulled that off without anyone realising).

Had not a minute to myself all week so subsequently I havnt been home to the doctors, I need some fucking medication. Spent last week trying to hold everyone elses lives together, like a helpfull little mouse, had panic attacks for a couple of days. Now I'm alone and irrationally angry with the wrong brain chemicals, am hallucinating blood everywhere and hearing the sound of cracking bone it's making me cum, dont know where anyone I hate that much lives though. I have to stay in now till I can get emergency appointment at docs, (were all full today, I explained, they said I would have to keep trying everyday till they can fit me in, cunts,if they tell me that tomorrow they're getting they're eyes gouged out)and I'm definately not going wrestling I'll kill someone, which is why I'm not leaving the house.

I want to be myself, I dont like the crazy bitch that wants to kill people in the most painfull ways. I'm off to drink some blood and try to calm down.
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